Introduction-- Why I'm Doing This

Okay.  So, I'm starting a personal blog about me and my weight loss journey.  I know, it sounds pretty egotistical, but what blog isn't just a massive homage to the human need to feel important?  In all likelihood, no one will read this.  I wouldn't be surprised if no one reads this.  There's so many blogs out there, who'd really care about one more?  So, with that being my assumption, I'm going to be completely honest here.  If I eventually get readers and subscribers and whatnot, groovy!  Maybe what I'm doing here will help someone else.  If I don't...  Well, then I'm baring my soul in complete privacy despite the public form of mediated communication I've chosen.

If I'm trying to bare all, people might ask, why in the world am I doing it on the Interwebz?  Wouldn't a paper diary or journal be just as easy, and far more private?  The answer to the latter is yes.  Absolutely.  A personal, hardcopy journal would be easier to keep secret.  But it is also easier for me to lie to myself that way.  I'm not doing this so that I can cheat myself and stay the way I am.  I'm doing this to grow inside and shrink outside.  And it's always been pretty easy to lie to myself on paper when I'm the only one who is going to read it or know about it.  Let's face it... you-- the faceless masses, anonymous commentors and readers and subscribers-- keep me honest with myself.  And that's what I need.  I need to be honest with myself, about myself, what I eat, how much I really exercise, my bad habits, etc. if I'm ever going to change anything.  Not to mention paper journals have a tendency to devolve into sketchbooks where I'm concerned, which isn't much help from the standpoint of what I'm trying to do here.

So, here goes.  I'm 27 years old as of September 3, 2010.  I'm approximately 5' 6" (no doctor's office I've ever been in has been able to agree on my height, so this is really just an educated guess).  I have an inherited pituitary gland problem that makes my body produce too much estrogen.  Estrogen binds with fat, which not only makes it harder for me to lose weight, it also fools my body into thinking that I'm pregnant, which means my periods are irregular-- and that I'm at a higher risk for cervival, uterine, ovarian, and breast cancers.  That being said, I am NOT blaming my weight on my glandular problem.  This is for a few reasons.  First of all, that's been done...  "Oooh, it isn't my fault, I have a glandular problem."  So cliche!  Besides, while valid in some cases, it isn't valid in mine.  Second, my glandular issue doesn't make me gain weight, it just means I'm going to have to work harder to lose it and keep it off.  Third, if I blame my weight on that, I don't have to take personal responsibility for the part of my weight that is my fault...  and quite frankly, that's a load of bull.  Part of my weight issues ARE my fault, because I maintain unhealthy habits.  If I pawn it all off on my pituitary gland and expect things to change, they won't.  I refuse to give up control of my body like that.

I weigh, as of 1:59 PM Pacific Standard Time today, 320 pounds.  That's right, I weigh 320 POUNDS.  Like I said- brutal honesty.  However, since muscle weighs more than fat, I'm not going to use just my weight as a progress benchmark.  I'm not going to really be using the BMI that much, since I believe that system is flawed; no person is exactly the same as another, and the BMI system doesn't exactly take that into account.  I sew my own clothing sometimes, so I have a plethora of measurements as well.  I'm also going to use these to chart how I'm doing, since losing inches is just as important to me as getting rid of the extra fat I'm carrying around.  So, as of October 29, 2010 (the last time I drafted a pattern), my measurements were as follows:

• Bust: 58"
• Waist: 57"
• Hips: 66"
• Bicep: 21"
• Thigh: 29"

Yikes.  Seriously, I didn't even like looking at those a few days ago when I took them...  I like it less now.  But it's the truth.  Those are MINE.  I own those measurements, they are how my body is right now.  Discouraging, yes.  But those measurements can change!  My weight can change!  I CAN CHANGE!  I am a little furry, crawly worm entering a cocoon so I can emerge the healthy, energetic butterfly on the outside that I feel like inside.  And I'm going to be using several tactics to do so.

In this blog, I'm not just going to chart my weight and measurements.  I'm going to do my best to keep a food diary here, as well as a record of my activity level, exercise, and feelings.  I'm also going to be using the Nintendo DS game My Weight Loss Coach as a helping hand to come up with challenges for myself and to record my daily steps with the podometer included that sticks into the GBA game slot in the machine.  (Yeah, yeah, game nerds, I have an original DS and still use it.  Stick that in your game slot and play it!)  I'm going to be using Yoga, Tai Chi, and meditation as a way to help me deal with stress.  I'm also going to be using several psychology exercises to help myself along... it's good to be a psych major!  And there's going to be a lot of music involved.  Music and I go very well together, and I don't think I could do this without something awesome to listen to.  I'm also going to drop by the blog and record all of this as much as I can.  I have a pretty full life, and I know that if I promise to drop by and update the blog every day it just is NOT going to happen.  I have college classes, a job, family, friends, homework, housework...  My life gets pretty nuts sometimes!  Everyone's does, so I know anyone reading this out there will get it when I say that this is important, but other things in my life are too, so sometimes this is going to have to take a back burner.

I guess the only thing left to explain is the full why of what I'm doing.  Yes, I am influenced by the sales-oriented and entertainment segments of the media.  It would be a lie to say that I'm not, especially since it's practically impossible to escape advertisements these days.  Even while I'm driving there are billboards, LED screens, flyers taped to phone poles, people walking around in branded clothing, and ads on cars and busses.  So yeah, I get bombarded with the socially accepted image of pretty a lot, and occassionally I see Angelina Jolie or Tyra Banks or Christina Aguilera or Beyonce on the back of a bus and take a hit to my self-esteem.  Sometimes I see "smokin' hot" regular chicks and get jealous because they can wear the cute new clothes and buy off the racks that I can't or find something that would fit at Old Navy.  That gets me feeling a little down, too.  So, yes.  I'm doing this, in a small part, to feel prettier.  It would be nice to get hit on again (and shoot the total losers who do it down, which is always kinda fun) like I did in high school.

But I also know that I'm not as healthy as I could be.  I shouldn't get winded climbing two flights of stairs, even if I DO have asthma.  I should be able to at least do five pushups without having jelly arms.  I should be able to walk from one side of my college campus to the other without getting tired.  I want to be able to swing dance with my best friend's little sister at her dance class instead of just sitting on the sidelines and watching.  My family has a history of diabetes.  Being larger puts me at risk for that, as well as for heart disease, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, and stroke.  It already causes me pain in my knee joints and ankles and lower back.  Because my breasts are larger (face it guys, boobs are fat and glands and blood conduits, and that's about it) I have neck and shoulder pain.  I don't want to live with this anymore!  So, mostly, I'm doing this for my health and not my vanity.  Although the positive ego boost won't hurt any, right?